The last leg of my moving from Virginia to Arizona was to transport my kitty out to the South-West. I decided to carry her on the plane with me. Not that big a deal, you can buy specialist carriers, and United charges an extra $85 to transport an animal in the cabin. We worked out the correct amount to drug the kitty so she was calm through the flight, and she was.

To get her through the security at Dulles in Washington DC I had to remove her from the bag. I refused to and a supervisor came and said we could go into a locked room where she couldn't escape. The kitty is a 'jumper' as they are known. Just before we headed off to the room a young fellow in a TSA uniform asked me if this was my bag. I said yes, he then pulled out a tube of toothpaste and said it is too big. Whatever, I am not having my flight held up for $2.99, especially when I have a drugged and stressed cat to transport. I said, "Throw it out."

You can argue about the inanities of the security process. I travel on aircraft enough that I have seen all sorts of absurdities, like when my ex-wife had to throw out her matches. She is a heavy smoker and managed to produce about fifteen of them from the nether regions of her handbag. It was like an archaeological dig (that was in Sydney btw).

The best place to have the security bubble burst is Bruce Schneier's website.

However, the most shocking incident was when I got on the aircraft. I had been told there were two cats on board the aircraft, so when I entered I said, "I am one of the guys with a cat."

She looked horrified and said, "Tell the captain." She was also backing away. I am a bit hazy on the next bit and what happened. But eventually I must have twigged she thought something was wrong and said, "What did you think I said?" She replied, "That you had a gun!"

The only thing I can think of is that I pronounced cat the same as "cap in your ass" or something. I don't know. Too much. I was horrified that she would think that, I also did not want to get kicked off the plane for something stupid like being misheard. I paid through the nose for a direct flight to Phoenix, and I did not want to fight my way through Sunday evening Dulles airport and security again.

No way.

I was not a happy camper.

Update: Forgot to mention, my toothpaste got through Phoenix Airport security without concern, but it was confiscated in Washington DC.

Update II: A Canadian friend points out that a 'gat' [via urban dictionary] is slang for a sub-machine gun or an uzi. So my thick Australian accent probably clashed with her (probably not so good) African American upbringing and led to the mis-understanding.

Update III: Lost opportunities. I didn't rhyme the title with the Ramones' "The KKK took my baby away."